


Stuck

by Adi_Beau



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Eventual Romance, M/M, Trans Male Character, Trans Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2019-09-15 16:04:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16936341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adi_Beau/pseuds/Adi_Beau
Summary: Sora is a trans boi and literally only Riku knows about it. Well... Kairi does, too. But Riku isn't around anymore and Kairi is back on the island so he's kinda dealing with things alone. Watch my boi as he struggles a little with trying to make things work while also trying to save worlds from being overwhelmed by darkness. | Set in KH2 | Mostly small drabbles that won't follow a very strict plot since we already know what happens in KH2.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! I hope y'all enjoy these little drabbles that I plan on occasionally writing. This fic contains some "still in the closet" themes and they might feel a bit heavy from time to time. I'm gonna try to avoid that because being lgbt+ isn't just tragedy and rain clouds but I just want you to know that now.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

Pain.

That was the very first thing Sora was able to process as he very slowly opened his eyes, his vision blurry and his head heavy.

_'Where am I?'_

He groaned, his eyes closing before once again opening. This time, he was able to make out wrinkles in an old, yellowed fabric. He recognized this as one of the tents that he had grown used to using during long stays in other worlds. 

_'Oh, right... Ping...'_

Sora sat up, another groan escaping him as he suddenly clutched his stomach, his eyes squeezing shut. He fell back down onto his side, his body curling up into a ball, his face scrunched up. 

Why was he hurting? Why now of all times? Beads of sweat started to form on his forehead. He inhaled sharply. A pained whine escaped his lips as he let out a shaky breath. Was he sick? Was it something he ate? Maybe there was a stomach bug going around, or maybe it was his--

"Sora?"

Sora whipped his head up, eyes wide open so he could see Donald watching him with a look of concern on his face. 

"D-donald..!" Sora suddenly sat back up, doing his best to ignore what quite literally felt like his appendix bursting. He took note of Goofy who was still fast asleep in his sleeping bag. "I'm so sorry," he said, looking back at Donald. "Did I wake you?"

"Who cares about that?!" Donald crossed his arms with a shake of his head. "Are you okay?"

"Me?"

"Who else, dummy!"

"I... think so...." Sora nodded. 

"You sure?"

"Well... Yeah, I mean.." Sora shrugged casually. "I've felt _way_ worse than this in the past. Usually when my--" He then cut himself off, all the colour now draining from his face. 

"Sora?"

"There is no way...."

"No way what?"

Without warning, Sora was suddenly on his feet. 

"Sora!"

"Why NOW of all times?!"

"Sora, WHAT IS GOING ON?!" This outburst from Donald caused Goofy to finally stir awake. 

"I have to go! I-i'm gonna be late to our training with Captain Shang! Please tell him I'm sorry!"

"SORA!!"

Before anything else could be said, he was gone, leaving Donald and Goofy alone and utterly confused. When they eventually did all meet up with Shang, Goofy made a bit of an awkward attempt to ask Sora what happened, only for him to brush things off. 

"Oh, that?" Sora asked with a wide grin. "Oh, it's fine! I must have caught something going around is all... Ping helped me out though and I feel much better so everything's fine!"

Though filled with questions, the two decided to leave it at that. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will take place from Sora's point of view! The story will occasionally switch back and forth between third person perspective and Sora's POV, just kinda depending on what works best for what I'm trying to get done with each chapter. Hope that's okay! And witbout further ado, please enjoy this chapter!

Ping is the closest friend I have these days.

I miss Riku so much... Kairi, too. They were always there for me. Riku always defended me back home and reassured me that I was just as "manly" or "cool" as him. Kairi always helped me with the things Riku just couldn't. And she was there to help me get my first binder. Riku always knew what to say... Kairi always knew what to do.

I miss them so much. But they aren't here.

Ever since that last incident, Ping has been there for me any time I need some support. And after our training sessions, we talk a lot about things I can't say anywhere else.

Ping showed me this private place where I can bathe in peace. We go there whenever the others are off cleaning themselves and we need some privacy. The first time was a bit... Awkward. He had a lot of questions and I wasn't sure how to answer them at first. I explained everything as clearly as possible and, eventually, some things seemed to just... Click into place for him. He looked like he'd finally found something out. I think... Our situations are very similar.

Ping said he wants to try it out since he's already at it. Told me to only call him a guy. He doesn't usually correct me when I call him Ping in private. Though, sometimes he changes his mind and asks me to call him Mulan. He seems really happy with the fact that he can just... Change his mind whenever.

We have this bond together. We talk whenever we can. We have inside jokes. He understands the things I can't just complain to Donald or Goofy about. Sometimes I can get emotional around hum and he's okay with it. He doesn't call me a girl for wanting to cry. He tells me I'm strong when I need to hear it and I do the same for him. I call him beautiful when he needs to be reminded and he calls me manly when I need it.

I miss my friends... But while I search for Riku... I'm glad I have someone to go to when things are hard to get through alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading!! I'm gonna spend some chapters just establishing different things. Things like how Sora interacts with other worlds and how he gets along with characters in those worlds. How they affect him and whatnot. Some chapters will be very short. Some will be kinda long. Some will jump around different parts of the KH2 timeline. I'll always do my best to make it clear what's going on, though. Without also making it unnecessarily descriptive just to explain the current setting.
> 
> I appreciate everyone who's followed and read this so far!! Thank you all so much! Hopefully my next updates are something to look forward to! (:


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll get two or three chapters today. They will all be very short, I think. Enjoy.

Atlantica is one of my favourite worlds to go to.

I get to swim around freely. The water reminds me of home. I can sing and dance and have fun with Ariel. Everything is so carefree and fun over there now that there are no heartless to worry about.

And it's somewhere to go when I'm feeling dysphoric.

I know it wasn't done on purpose. Donald isn't really the type to be able to pick up on these things without being told. But... When we change forms in this world... my chest is always surprisingly flat. My voice feels as bit deeper. My jaw is just a little bigger. Little things change. I get to know what I'd look like if I were born a boy, and... It always makes me feel better knowing that not much has changed.

With that being said, I hope this form never goes away. It makes things just little bit better.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We'll be switching back to a third person perspective for this chapter! :D

Sora thinks he's great at hiding things.

He loves going to Hollow Bastion. Not only because of all the friends he's made, but because of how they make him feel during darker days. Cid calls him "boy," or "son," or ""buddy." Aerith calls his little trio "the boys." Yuffie sometimes says things like, "You wouldn't understand, Sora! It's a girl thing!" Sora just pretends that she's right and he doesn't know what's going on. At some point, Donald's nephews started calling him "sir." To Scrooge McDuck, he is "Sora, my boy!" or "Laddy!"

Sora hears more masculine terms being thrown his way in Hollow Bastion for than in any other world.

He thinks it's because no one knows his "secret." But in reality, everyone in Hollow Bastion knows. The Restoration Committee, the shop owners, Merlin, everyone. Even Pooh and his friends in the Hundred Acre Woods are aware of it and, amazingly, they haven't made it too obvious that they do.

Sora thinks he's great at hiding things. And that's because everyone wants him to feel like he is.


	5. Another

_There wasn't much to do._

Life feels almost as if it's always the same these days. It's always the same. Nothing changes. It's not exactly… Bad. But it feels… Off. As if I live in a world where everything was created with a purpose and with the intention of making sure things always turned out fine. And yet it didn't feel like the one who created it was anything more than another boring person.

“Roxas! Get up already, man!”

_Who the hell is **Roxas?**_

I looked around me. Donald and Goofy are with me. We're walking up a grassy hill that leads up to a large (kinda tacky) castle. I take a step towards the pieces of ground that are no longer covered in grass. My vision starts to fade. The castle is just ahead of me. I can't breathe. The castle is getting blurry. My chest aches. Did I forget to take off my binder? I clutch it in pain. I can just about make out the green spikes on the castle. Or… are they just trees maybe? My legs hurt. I can't breathe. Donald is saying something. I'm on the ground. Goofy yells. Donald yells. Dirt is stuck in my eyes and they burn. My chest aches. I can't breathe. My legs feel numb. Donald is shaking me. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

Everything turns to static before turning black.

I can't breathe.

“ROXAS!!”

A rock hit my window. I jumped a little off my bed, sitting bolt upright before looking around me. “Donald?!”

There's… A star. And a… fish bowl? A girl in white. An old hat. A black and white skateboard. Darts stuck to a makeshift paper board. My bracelets and rings. I'm… I'm in…

“Roxas!! Dude, did you die up there?! Come on man, I don't have all day!”

“Mm…” I got up a little, sitting on my knees before opening the window. I felt like someone was watching me. I suddenly looked back. Nothing. I looked down to see Hayner, Pence, and Olette. A tear rolled down my cheek. They didn't see it. I smiled.

My friends.

“Hey!!” Hayner called out. “Sleeping Beauty! You gonna get up or not? We're going to the Usual Spot and your mom said you were asleep!”

My mom?

“If you plan on sleeping away the rest of your vacation then fine! But don't pout when one day we go to the beach without ya!”

“Summer vacation…” I muttered.

“Come on! We gotta discuss some things! Everyone in town has been acting kinda weird!”

“.... hayner….” I grinned down at him, leaning forward to yell back at him as they started walking away. “Yeah?! Ya sure it isn't just you, Hayner?”

“Oh my God, shut UP, Roxas!” Hayner's response seemed to be enough to make Pence and Olette giggle. “Oh, not you guys, TOO!”

I laughed, sitting back in my bed, sighing heavily in relief. I looked down at my chest. “What is a…. binder…” I put a hand over my chest. I don't know why I even did it. But it felt like I should. I don't know who that boy was… Or who Donald or Goofy were supposed to be… This was my first time seeing him ever. And yet…

_“Another dream about him…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy April 1st, guys. Felt like a perfect time to break out a Roxas chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we gon' get another different pov in this chapter!  
> (b Ò v Ó)b
> 
> also this chapter has more... angst(?) in it. talks a bit more about gross people being gross. so if that's not what you read this for, feel free to skip it. it's not a plot heavy story and i won't blame you for not wanting to see that.

"Hey, have you seen Sora today?"

Murmurs.

"Nah. Probably taking a week off again."

Loud whispers.

"Is he okay??"

Worry.

"He's fine. He disappears once a month. Always says he's sick. He has doctor's notes but his dad has an office at a nearby clinic so it's awfully _convenient."_

Soft whispers.

"Why would he do that at all?"

Muttering.

"Didn't you know?"

Rumors.

"Know what?"

_Gossip._

"It's been a thing since middle school, so..."

_More. Whispering._

"So... What??"

_Disgusting._

"Sora's a _girl."_

**Bullshit.**

"What?!"

Gasps.

"She takes breaks so she doesn't have to go to the girls restroom to change her tampons, obviously."

_**Pronouns.** _

"Are you telling me I've been using the same bathroom as _one of those?"_

Hate.

"Ew! Why doesn't anyone say anything?!"

Disgust.

"I dunno sbout you, Selphie... But I feel _unsafe_ knowing people like that can just pop up into places unannounced where I'm supposed to feel safe."

Fear.

"Does it matter that much?"

Selphie was always the sweet one.

"Next time I see her, I'm saying something!!"

Threats.

"Howcome you guys care so much?! He's still a BOY, ya?! He's allowed in there! Mind ya own business!"

Hope.

"Aren't you and Tidus also _like that?"_

Gross behavior.

"WHAT DO YOU CARE?!"

Yelling.

"But... A defensless girl? Who's usually more of a loner at this school? Alone in a boy's bathroom?"

Concern.

"Sounds pretty fuckin' sweet to me."

Disgusting.

"Kairi wouldn't allow it and you know thadt!"

True.

"Kairi wouldn't be there."

_Disgusting._

"I wonder what she looks like _under there."_

_Every last one of them... They're all..._

"It'd be prettyyyy easy to fund out~"

_Disgusting._

"I bet she's a cutie in her casual clothing... Y'know, outside of her uniform."

_He is._

"Think she'd give me a chance?"

_Unworthy._

"How about the next time we see her in there, we--"

My fist collided with someone's face before I even had time to think. I hadn't even realized I'd walked to some random boy's desk. I was eating lunch at my own desk before this. And now I was standing above a snivelling little shit who fell out of his chair. My body was shaking. My vision was limited. Dark edges surrounded everything as I closed in on him.

"What the FUCK, Riku!?"

I could only stare at him in disgust.

"Seriously, what is your problem?!"

I was holding him by the collar of his shirt. My face was close to his. I immediately spoke without thinking.

"If you _ever_ lay a hand on my boyfriend, I will _personally_ see to it that you have to breathe through a fucking straw."

Fear.

"R-riku..."

That voice. I turned to see him.

"Sora..."

I dropped the boy on the floor.

"I-i uh..."

Stuttering.

"I-i just um.."

His face is red.

"I-i had to go see the nurse..."

Hands fidgeting.

"S-stomach... issues..."

Tears.

"S-sorry to... cause all of this..."

He was as staring at the floor. He looked almost ashamed.

"It's not your fault!"

Selphie was trying her best.

"Hey, Sora!! What's it like havin' a pus-- GHK!!"

My foot connected with someone's jaw before I even realized it.

"R-riku!!"

Sora was holding my hand.

"Fuck you guys!"

I was staring down at "victim" number 2 in disgust.

"You _wish_ we would."

\-----------------------------------------

I walked Sora home. We talked. He cried into my chest. I held onto him. Kairi brought us ice cream. Sora said he didn't want to exist. He said nothing feels real anymore. I had to keep myself from breaking anything. Then Kairi spoke. She said something that changed our lives forever.

"I bet if we were in _my world,_ people would treat you right and call you whatever you wanted to be called!"

Sora then had the craziest idea.

"Let's build a raft!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I've been having these weird thoughts lately... Like... Is any of this for real... or not?"


	7. The Sunset

Sometimes you just need to stop and watch the sun set.

Kairi is missing. I was really excited that I'd finally be able to see her again. I had a lot I wanted to say. I was already thinking of the things we could do together. But apparently, the Organization just wasn't gonna let that happen. I still haven't found Riku, either. And now it turns out that I have to go into some datascape just to get any closer to them.

I know this is all something I _have_ to do. I know that if I don't find them, no one will. I know that it's my responsibility to save all these worlds from dying, to protect the friends I make in these worlds, that I have to just face Organization XIII head-on.

But I'm fifteen years old. Heck, a part of me doesn't even believe that. I was asleep for _a whole year._ I missed my birthday. I missed everyone else's birthday. I missed holidays. I missed school assignments and chores and so much more. And I can never get that back.

I haven't seen my parents in a year. _My parents haven't seen me in a year._ By now they know what happened at school before we left the island. Do they think I ran away? Though... I guess I kinda did. Are they upset with me? I wasn't _out_ to them yet. Would they be disgusted if I came back? Would they look at me differently? What if they moved? Is my room still the same?

And Kairi... She's been out there on the islands without me or Riku for so long. What did she say when people asked about us? Did she make things up? Did she stay quiet? Has she been alone? Were Selphie and the others there? Did they even miss me? And what about everyone else at school?

I can't even imagine everything Riku has had to go through, trapped on the other side of that door. I'm sure getting out of there wasn't easy. Is he still the same? Does he blame me for everything that's happened so far? What if he doesn't even want to see me? What if that's why he always runs off before I have a chance to see him. What if he's moved on in a year? What if he doesn't even love me anymore?

There are so many things I don't know about. There are so many things that can only be fixed if I fight off an entire organization of cloaked weirdos. There are people depending on _me._ Friends I might not see again. I am _fifteen years old._ An entire year of my life is missing. And all these worlds that I've traveled to depend on me. I'm supposed to keep and restore some balance and I'm not even old enough to drive a car. I don't even know if I like my name. I don't know if I want surgeries. I don't know what I want to do as an adult. I don't know if I want to go to college (that is, if I live long enough to get there). Sometimes I don't even know if my identity is just a phase or not.

It's all so much to handle.

And while I'm not alone... It still feels like I am.

"We were starting to wonder where you ran off to!" A voice called out, snapping me out of my thoughts. I turned to see Pence standing a few feet away from me. I was sitting at the top of the clock tower in Twilight Town.

"O-oh, hey..." I said, placing a hand on the back of my neck. "Sorry... Did I worry anyone?"

Pence just grinned. "Only a little." He made his way over and sat next to me. "Man...The sunset looks really pretty today."

I looked at the sky again, smiling at this. "Yeah," I said with a nod. "It's really something."

Things went silent for a few moments. Pence was the one to break that silence.

"So... Pretty soon, you'll be seeing another Twilight Town. Another Pence. Another mansion, even!"

"Yeah..." I sighed.

"You don't sound to excited..."

".... I don't know if I even _could_ be," I admitted.

"But your friends might be there, right?"

"Yeah..."

More silence.

"..... Is it scary?"

"Is what scary?" I looked at Pence, caught off-guard by his question.

He shrugged. "Going to all these worlds... Fighting bad guys.. It all sounds like something from a story! And yet... I don't know if I'd be able to do it."

".... Really?"

He nodded. "I'm not exactly what they call... Fighting fit." He laughed. "And even if I was, I'd probably be really scared to mess everything up. _And_ I wouldn't have Hayner or Olette to help me. I think... if it were me... I'd be really scared."

"..." His honesty surprised me. No one had ever said anything like this before but he was right. I was scared. I was _really_ scared.

Pence looked right at me, repeating himself. "Is it scary?"

"I..." I looked down at the ground below us. Only now was it sinking in just how high up we were. My journey would end right here if I slipped and fell. I nodded in response to his question. "I didn't have much time to think about it when I was just being thrown into things. I just had to jump right in and do my best. I had to run on nothing but smiles and hopes and dreams..."

"..... But?" Pence prodded.

"I just... I don't get why _I_ have to be such an important piece of the puzzle. I wasn't even supposed to be able to weild the keyblade." As I said it, it appeared in my hand. I held it out in front of me and stared at the long blade and the keychain shaped like a star made out of seashells. Oath Keeper. For some reason, seeing the keychain that Kairi gave me back then made my chest ache. I let the keyblade fall. A few seconds later, it hit the ground with a loud clang before reappearing in my hand. I glared at it. I threw it. It was back in my hand. "AAAAAHHHH!" I set it down next to myself in frustration.

"... Sora?"

I buried my face in my hands. I pulled on my hair. My chest ached more and more. My shoulders started to tremble. "I-i'm a _kid,_ Pence!" I laughed a little, a tear rolling down my cheek. "A-a junior hero! A gender confused high school student, a-a...." I shook my head, leaning forward to rest my elbows on ny lap.

"I-i just wanna go _home!_ I-i wanna hold Riku's hand again, I wanna hug Kairi one more time, I-i-i wanna t-tell my mom I'm sorry for running away instead of just dealing with my problems, I..." I furiously rubbed away at my eyes. More tears kept falling and I had no way of holding them back.

"I-i have to... Be the strong one. I-i have to smile and say it's okay. And maybe that was easier back then. But ever since I woke up in this town, I've been feeling more doubtful a-and hopeless and I don't know why, but..." I shook my head again, lowering my hands slowly as I looked down at the ground again. There were kids no older than maybe 5 running around and play fighting with sticks. I clutched my chest.

"Something in me... Changed while I was asleep. And I don't even have enough time to ask why it did. And even if I did, who could even answer that?"

Pence watched me the entire time, reaching over and placing a hand on my shoulder. I looked over at him. He had a sad smile on his face. He didn't say anything. But I could feel something in his eyes. The phrase "It's gonna be okay."

"..." I sighed, wiping away any left over tears. "I..." I looked over at the keyblade that still hadn't gone away. "I don't know if I'm the hero that everyone is expecting, Pence... I wasn't the cool one. I wasn't the one with a bunch of friends. I wasn't the one who people would worry about if you insulted the few friends I did have. Riku would know what to do in my position and I'm just... Stuck in his shadow like always... Wondering what he might do instead. And I don't know if I can actually pull that off."

Pence tilted his head to the side with a frown. "Then... Maybe you need to do what Sora would do in this position."

"...."

"I don't have all the answers. I don't know how you're gonna succeed. But I do know that you're brave. And I know that you're probably strong enough to make it out okay."

"I am?"

He nodded. "Being brave doesn't mean being fearless." He looked out towards the sunset. "It means being afraid to do things but doing them anyways. Hayner taught me that." He grinned. "I feel like... After all the things you've been through... It takes a lot of strength and bravery to make it as far as you have. Don't you?"

I thought about this for a moment. Then I nodded, my lips pulling up into a faint smile.

"I guess you're right," I said with another sigh. "I've been kinda scared this whole time... But Riku and Kairi need me. So... I just have to keep pushing myself."

"That's right!" Pence scooted back, laying down on his back with his legs lazily resting on the ledge. "But don't push yourself too hard. And maybe remember that we're here, too."

"Pence..."

"You can always ask us for help! I don't really know what I'd be able to do... But I'd do my best if it meant helping my friends. I'm sure that Donald and Goofy and all the others would say the same. So don't give up on us, okay? You can't always be the hero on your own."

I couldn't help but smile a little more at this. I let out one more sigh, a little tired by now. "I guess... You're right."

The next hour, we sat there in silence, watching the eternal sunset as I braced myself for what comes next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Pride Month, Pence said trans rights


End file.
